Monday, June 30, 2008

The Day After

I know that this is actually the day after the day after,
but the day after the day after has not really fully happened yet
so there is not much that I can report on that day, which is this day
and so
I instead give an accounting of the day after
(I imply "the day of birth" to be thought by you, the reader,
after the phrase "the day after"
since that is the most significant day to me, the author,
within a spread of a short amount of time before the day of this post)
because there were several significant events of the day after,
Haqon's wife teleported;
Baby A imposed her will on her mother;
Fred made his third behind-the-back basket in his life;
(here the author has wickedly introduced a new character
without any preparation for the reader)
Beautiful Rabbit gave a room full of adults the look of doom; and
Baby B gets steak.

Haqon's Wife Teleported
Haqon was "going" as quickly as he could! He had promised to be out before she made it around the corner and to the door while walking her laps. Shake shake shake went the door handle. Haqon laughed, finished and went outside to see his love.

(Dear reader, don't think that Haqon is not hygenic. He did wash his hands, but the author selected to leave that part out of this story in order to be brief. This is especially important to know for the rest of these stories as well, for Haqon has washed and scrubbed his hands hundreds of times in the past days, so much so that his skin is shrinking and tight. I will leave out the instances of hand washing in those stories as well in order to keep the flow of the story going without distracting you, dear reader, with mundane events.)

She was not there. Looking to the left and right and down the hall, Haqon did not see his love there either. Haqon thought about his wife, recovering from being split in the middle with knives, and was amazed that she could move so quickly as to be out of view already. Haqon briskly walked to the next corner and looked, and she was gone. The next corner too! Then Haqon spied a little poochy belly protruding from behind a column. Aha!

Baby A imposed her will on her mother
Baby A is doing great at breastfeeding, but only when she decides it is the right time. When not, she sleeps peacefully despite all poking and prodding. It appears that she will have her father's talent for sleeping through church!

(the hand washing before and after bringing Baby A to her mother were left out as previously discussed, as were the few instances of applying lotion to Haqon's crinkly hands)

Fred made his third behind-the-back basket in his life;
We met several interesting characters at the hospital during our stay, including Painless Peterson, Mumbling D, and Fred. (The hand washing at the meeting of each of these people has been left out for your benefit as promised)

Fred helps the babies in the NICU breath better by tapping on his laptop and teasing the nurses. An excellent job if you ask me. In a moment of zen clarity he also wadded up a paper towel (that he had just used to dry his hands after washing them, which washing is left out as promised even though in this case it seems to be central to the story and there was some deliberation as to the wisdom of making promises before actually executing the final product) and launched it from behind his back, over his head and into a four inch diameter trash receptacle at least twenty-five feet away.

Haqon was amazed and suddenly felt very confident in Fred. Later Fred attempted the same in front of Beautiful Rabbit but missed by a few inches, thus illustrating the difficulty of the trick. However, in this case, Fred had skipped the important hand washing. this may have been the cause of the miss, as hand washing is clearly very important on hospital grounds. (A careful reader will notice that while the author promised to skip instances of hand washing, he made no such promises regarding instances of non-hand washing. Such clever subtleties!)

Beautiful Rabbit gave a room full of adults the look of doom
Through an interesting twist of fate, Beautiful Rabbit was able to come to the hospital and visit much earlier than expected. (Naughty again, the author talks about an interesting twist of fate, but then completely leaves out all the supposed 'interesting' details)

Baby A was asleep, so Beautiful Rabbit was able to watch her in her crib. Then Haqon took Beautiful Rabbit to visit Baby B (the very elaborate hand washing of both Haqon and Beautiful Rabbit is now skipped entirely and without any mention at all).

Baby B was awake and wiggly. Haqon placed Baby in Beautiful Rabbit's arms and Baby soon relaxed. Beautiful Rabbit's face also relaxed into a delighted show of love and soft eyes.

Then, Haqon said it was time to leave, and Beautiful Rabbit ignored him. Fred and Baby B's nurse came to Beautiful Rabbit to help put Baby B back into her crib and Haqon sweetly repeated his notice. Beautiful Rabbit looked up at the approaching adults and her eyes narrowed and her cheeks darkened to grey. Slowly, she shook her head in a clear statement that said, "You will not take her from me; for she is mine and all the power of the world is behind me." (Amazingly, all witnesses have confirmed that her non-verbal statement did include the semi-colon)

Baby B gets steak
A hogla of doctors and other practitioners gathered around Baby B to discuss her vitals and other characteristics. (Once again, much hand washing has been skipped. Also, being unfamiliar with the term "hogla" I have researched the term and determined that the misbehaving author has completely made this term up. It can only be assumed that the term is meant to indicate a gathering of some sort, such as a murder of crow, a herd of cows, and the like. Looking at the extreme proliferation of such varied terms, I expect that the author will claim that he is merely following a well established tradition of english authors just making stuff up when convenient.)

This hogla discussed such at length before determining that the IV feeding for Baby B should be changed to another type. The discussion was conducted in doktor-speak and therefore barely comprehensible. However, in giving a reason for this change, Haqon heard the word "protein." Using finely tuned deductive reasoning, it is clear that Baby B is now getting steak through the IV. When Haqon asked the nurse when she would be able to hunt her food on her own, she stared blankly and then continued explaining something else less important.

P.S. Mother has determined that the contest is null and void and has decided that Baby A will be Angel and Baby B will be Seraphim. Adjectives to come soon!


Fairee Princess said...

You are great with words Haqon! Speaking of which, your certificate of registration for Imagine This! came in the mail yesterday! Yay!

Beautiful Rabbit told us all about her deadly look when she got home! Se was very happy to have seen the twins :) Fairee Princess, Strong Bear, and Delightful Finch are wondering when they get to meet them.

Angel and Seraphim...I like it! the way we had a minor crisis last night.....we can't find the Diego dvd. If you happen to know where it is let me know!

Much love!

Amy said...

Hahaha! Haqon, you are a masterful author, if you do say so yourself! Thanks so much for the updates. So glad to hear that people are doing well. Steak! That's fantastic!

Safire said...

Sounds like things are going very well! Yay! We love the pictures!


Related Posts with Thumbnails